My house (or my bedroom growing up) has never been known for being spotless. Just ask my mom. I am always amazed at how clean my mom’s house is even when “it’s not clean!” or so she says…
Dusting isn’t really part of my vocabulary. Vacuuming is a necessity but seems futile when you have a toddler, a dog and two cats. Laundry is a neverending battle. Washing dishes is so tedious when you’re used to having a dishwasher (haven’t had a working dishwasher since we’ve moved).
But despite never having a “spotless” house, I like it to be somewhat orderly. An organized chaos I like to call it. But I’ve just been feeling so overhwhelmed, I feel like the house has turned into chaotic chaos rather than any form of organized.
It feels like spring is finally around the corner, and it’s evident by the mud outside (being tracked inside by a handy hubby who is working so incredibly hard to fix our extensive plumbing issues; the dog doesn’t help either).
Spring is also marked by shedding season. Vacuuming anytime during the year always seems like an uphill battle, but during shedding seasons (spring and fall for us) the dog is just a moving ball of loose fur… My aunt, who is a dog groomer, has even said she’s never seen a dog shed so much. (“Let’s get a big dog!” said my husband years ago… He now swears we’ll never get anything but a breed that’s hypoallergenic).
I will offically hand in my final copy of my Major Research Paper and be done grad school (pending any last minute edits my advisor wants me to make) in five weeks. I’m also completing two courses and all the accompanying work. It seems that every spare moment not caring for Amy is spent writing for school or working. Dishes are piled up more often than not. Vacuuming gets neglected. Laundy gets done when absolutely necessary. Mud gets tracked around the house – part in celebration that mud means warmer weather, part in exasperation that our house never seems to be clean.
But more importantly than housework, I feel my chaos taking its toll on relationships – with friends who I haven’t spent quality time with, my husband who often takes the brunt of my stress, my daughter who I wish I could spend more time playing with rather than “watching” while I try to read yet another journal article. I feel immeasurable guilt that I am not taking the time to invest in people around me.
And today while I was on the brink of anxiety, I thought to myself “just embrace the chaos!”
In the last couple of years I’ve been trying to learn the art of saying “no” to certain commitments or to people in an attempt to better balance my life. It’s difficult for me to do – I want to do it all! I’m incredibly overwhelmed these days, and I’ve been trying to figure out where to cut back stress and create better balance. Today I realized that in the next five weeks, there’s not much I can “cut out.” I just need to embrace the chaos! This will be my motto for the next couple of weeks.
I’m looking forward to being done school! Then I can really evaluate where I want to be investing extra time and energy. Until then “embrace the chaos!”